


Nonalogical Monthly Planning

by BrittaTheBest



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: F/M, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-04-26 06:46:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14396538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrittaTheBest/pseuds/BrittaTheBest
Summary: In which Jeff and Britta get accidentally pregnant. Set during season two. Follows from the discovery to the birth.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rattlethatlock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rattlethatlock/gifts).



> I have been threatening to write this fic for a LONG TIME so here we are. A side effect of planning this for so long is that my perceptions of both the world and the characters have changed a lot (when I first started I was 15 and thought I was straight... wild) so some of the characterisations and events might be a little screwy but we soldier on because I wanted to get this written.
> 
> The plan was to write the whole thing before now and then post it on the corresponding date (so the whole thing would be uploaded over 9 months) but then university happened and I literally only have two chapters so we'll see
> 
> Finally: this chapter is incredibly long for me please don't expect this every time

_April 22 nd, 2011_

Britta sat on her couch with her knees huddled up to her chest. She was fine, really. She was an independent adult, and she could handle situations like this, and she could react in a rational and responsible way. Everything was fine.

Her cat appeared, jumping up to join her on the couch. The cat pushed its head against her leg, and she stroked it distractedly without unclutching her arms. She would need to leave soon, or she’d be late for their study group meeting, and then she’d have to come up with an explanation as to why she was late. And she _would_ leave soon. She could face her friends, no problem. And she could face Jeff.

She just needed a moment.

* * *

 

Six hours later, Britta was sat on that same couch when her doorbell rang. She buzzed her guest up to her apartment without checking the camera, left her door open, and returned to her seat, biting her thumbnail.

“Britta?” Jeff appeared at her door, looking wary as he crossed the threshold. She had invited him over after their meeting. It didn’t seem like something to talk about en route to anthropology class.

“Here.”

He caught sight of her, and came to join her on the couch. He sat down slowly. He was wearing a zip-up hoodie and holding a bottle of wine. “Uh… Hey.” He gestured with the bottle. “I didn’t know what kind of thing this was so I thought I’d… bring this.”

He seemed to be looking at her with genuine concern, which she found somehow surprising. She took a deep breath, but said nothing.

Jeff scratched his chin. “Um… are you okay? You’ve been really off all day.”

She bit her lip. “Jeff…” She had to tell him. She _had_ to tell him. “I have to tell you something.”

“…Yeah?”

She exhaled slowly. There was no other way to say it. “I’m pregnant.”

He froze, mouth half open. For several long moments, nothing in the apartment moved at all. Eventually, he closed his mouth. “Okay.” He licked his lips. “Are you telling me this because-”

“Because you’re the only person I’ve had sex with recently. Yeah.”

 “Okay, um… not to ask the obvious, but how did this happen? I mean, are you sure?”

“Oh, no, I just asked you to come here because I had a feeling.” She shook her head bitterly. “I took three tests. I haven’t seen a doctor yet but, uh… It is possible. Sometimes I forget to take my pill, and I didn’t think it mattered because we were using protection anyway. But… it did matter, I guess.”

“…Okay.”

More silence. Britta looked down at her hands and not at him.

“Do you wanna…” He cleared his throat. “I mean, how do you feel about this?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know.” She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “What do you think?”

He leaned away, raising his eyebrows and blinking. “I don’t know, this is more your decision, right?”

“Yeah, but I still want your feedback. You’re kind of involved too.”

He shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“You must have _some_ thoughts.”

“I don’t wanna say anything… binding. This is big.”

“We’re not in court, Jeff,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“I know. It’s just… a lot.” He pulled his hand down over his mouth. There was a pause. “Can’t you go first? Being fair, you’ve had longer to think about it.”

“What I say would be more ‘binding’ than what you say because it’s my decision so I want to hear your opinion first!” God, she was getting emotional.

“Alright. Okay. Just… give me a minute.” He chewed the inside of his cheek. “I just don’t want what I say to influence your decision too much, alright?”

Britta gave a hollow laugh. “Please. When have I ever done something because a guy told me to?”

“Yeah, I’m afraid you’ll automatically do the opposite of whatever I say.” He caught her eye, and they smiled at each other for a moment.

“Go on,” she said, softly.

Jeff sighed. “Okay.” He tilted the wine bottle still in his hand, regarding it. “I guess this is a bust for you, then.” He unscrewed the lid and took a swig straight from bottle, grimacing. “Alright.” He put the bottle on the coffee table, sat back against the back of the couch and folded his arms in front of him, looking at the ceiling. “Okay.”

Britta looked at him expectantly.

After a deep breath, he began. “I think that, again, it is your decision, because you’re the one who has to actually do all the… stuff. And I’ll support whichever way you choose. And if you do choose to have the baby -” his breath hitched for a second – “then I will be there for that too and we will figure it out.”

Still she looked at him. Waiting.

“And I think…” He was still staring hard at the ceiling. “I think that it is unexpected and life-changing and all those things. But I also think that I always kind of assumed that I would eventually have a kid. And that I would screw it up, but that’s not the point. I’ve always thought that that was the direction my life was slowly heading towards. And if it’s happened now…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I’m already in my late 30s. And whatever we’ve been doing for the past two years is arguably the most significant relationship with woman I’ve ever had. And I think we could do it.” He looked at her. “If you want to.”

Britta nodded slowly, taking this in.

“So… what do _you_ think?”

She raised her head deliberately from her last nod. She took a deep breath. “I… don’t know.”

“What?!” He sat forward, arms unfolding. “Come on, I just did a whole speech out of nowhere!”

“That’s what you _do_!” She put her head in her hands, shaking it. “I don’t… know, I…”

“Alright, alright, okay, look.” He put his hand on her back, and, when she didn’t pull away, put his arm around her entirely and pulled her into his chest. “Come here.” He began rubbing her arm with his thumb. “I _know_ it’s big, alright? But you don’t need to make a decision tonight. We can talk about anything you want tonight. Or you can, because I’ve talked a lot already honestly.”

“God, you’re being so nice.”

He moved her away from him a little so he could look at her in reproach. “Why wouldn’t I be nice?”

She laughed half-heartedly. “I don’t know, I just…” She gave another laugh that was almost a sob. “It’s been a really weird day. And I’ve been so _angry_ at myself, and I thought you would be too, and now, I…” She suddenly stiffened. She slowly sat upright, eyes down. “I think I wanna keep it.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper. “I’ve been thinking and deciding about it all day, and… I don’t think I can do anything else.”

There was a pause, and then, “Yeah?”

“…Yeah,” she said. “Yeah.”

* * *

 

“I’m just saying,” said Jeff, over cereal the next morning. “If you were gonna have an unplanned pregnancy, and an unplanned child, it’s better it was with a friend, right? Much less likely to just run off.”

“Well, I guess, but that isn’t what you said.” Britta sat down opposite him, having retrieved the orange juice from the fridge. She pushed a strand of hair out from her face as she poured them each a glass. “You _said_ with you specifically, and, you know, there’s probably a better person out there than a thirty-six-year-old man-child with daddy issues.”

“Oh, sure.”

She smiled at him in apology. She was feeling mildly better about the situation. They had stayed up talking for several more hours, although not much else about the baby or the future was said. There was an unspoken understanding between them that there were a lot of conversations that they would need to have, but also a lot of time in which to have those conversations – and this morning seemed to be one such time. They had, however, talked a lot about what was on television, and had a lengthy discussion about which flavour of Let’s was best, which had ended in looking up the countries whose main exports included potatoes on Wikipedia for reasons neither of them could really remember.

Jeff took another spoonful of cereal. “I’m sure the group’d help out anyway, though,” he said, with his mouth full.

“Oh, God, the group.” Britta put her head in her hands. “We’re gonna have to tell them. And pretty soon, or Abed’ll work it out.”

“Well, we can’t tell them too soon or we’ll take away from Shirley’s pregnancy.” He lowered the spoon that had been halfway to his mouth and furrowed his brow. “But if we tell them later we’ll take away from Shirley’s _baby_ …” He looked at her pointedly. “Real nice timing, Britta.”

“You’re not supposed to really tell people before like… ten weeks, anyway.”

“Cool. We’ll race Abed.”

“And I’ll have to tell my parents, ugh. I guess they can tell the rest of my family and we can let all the randos know with a Facebook post or something, but... It was bad enough telling _you_ , I don’t wanna have to do this ten billion times.”

“Yeah, well,” he pushed his chair away from the table and got up, “I can do it with you now. And speeches are kind of my thing, as you know. You want coffee?”

She glared at him.

“Right. Sorry. Guess you don’t have decaf then.”

* * *

 

It was a Saturday, and so there was no study group meeting. Instead, Britta dug out her clunky old laptop, and, when Jeff had finished teasing her about it, they sat on the couch together and searched pregnancy forums and websites. Mostly they just made fun if the weird precious way mothers type, but they also got a lot of information about nutrition and what to expect.

In the afternoon, Jeff drove them to the supermarket to pick up the recommended vitamin supplements, as well as some healthier food than that which currently existed in Britta’s apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. originally I planned to schedule this because I'm on holiday when the actual date happens, but apparently that isn't a feature on Ao3, so here it is a bit early. It'll be a couple of weeks before the next one.

_April 28 th, 2011_

As it happened, they didn’t need to wait long at all for Shirley’s own pregnancy to be taken out of the equation.

After their anthropology final – and the birth of Shirley’s child – Jeff found Britta sitting on one of the benches in the quad.

He took a seat beside her. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She smiled, but didn’t turn to look at him. Instead she looked at her hands, one massaging the other.

“So… today was a day.”

“It was,” agreed Britta, a light laugh in her voice. She dropped her hands and looked at him. “I delivered a baby today.”

Jeff couldn’t help but smile too. “Yeah. I’m honestly impressed.” He looked away, deciding whether he should say what they were both thinking about. “Do you… have any new thoughts about being on the other side of that in a few months?”

Britta gave a subdued smile. She knew it had been coming. “I mean, it was amazing, right? That’s the whole ‘miracle of life’ thing. It’s pretty cool.”

“It _is_ pretty cool. And you did great.” There was another pause of unsaid words. “Um, Britta, listen… About what I said -”

“Honestly, I don’t even remember,” she cut in. “There was a lot going on, so, you know, you’re fine. It’s fine.”

“When you asked me if you’d be a good mom,” he continued. “I didn’t mean that you wouldn’t. Okay? That’s not what I was saying. I just meant… that wasn’t the point I was making at that moment.”

“…So do you think I’ll be a good mom?” Her voice was quiet. She was looking away from him again. For a moment, he doubted whether he’d really heard her speak.

“Honestly? I haven’t really given it much thought. I’ve kind of been focussed on whether I’ll be a good dad.”

They let the word hang there between them.

“…That sounds weird to you too, right?” said Britta.

“Me being a dad? Yeah. It’s fucking weird that we’re having a kid.”

“Do you think we’ll be used to it by the time it actually happens?”

“Well, we’ll probably think we’re used to it,” said Jeff, “but then it’ll actually happen and we’ll be weirded out again.”

She sighed. “Being pregnant already sucks. I’m so bloaty and nauseous. Do you think anyone was suspicious that I threw up?”

“No, I think they put it down to the fact you’d just seen a baby coming out of your friend’s vag.”

“Yeah, that didn’t help.” She looked across the quad. Everywhere, people gathered or walked in groups. Her fingers ghosted absently across her middle. “We’ll have to tell them soon now, right? I mean, once everyone’s over Ben. How long are babies cute for?”

“In my experience? About ten minutes.”

“Ha.” It was hollow.

He shifted, moving just enough so that his arm brushed hers. “We’ll give it another couple of weeks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when I originally planned this story out, Britta didn't tell Jeff right away but she did know which is way she randomly asks if she would be a good mom and it makes his response devastating :)
> 
> also, isn't it interesting how different writing fanfic can feel from writing other stuff? Especially for TV, I always end up being so much more dialogue-heavy because that's how the original medium is (compared to my fanfic for books, which is much more internal)


	3. Chapter 3

_June 4 th, 2011_

Greendale campus was closed for two weeks after the paintball game, during which time most of the clean-up and repairs took place. When it reopened, the study group – minus Pierce, that is – decided to get together at the Greendale library one last time before summer.

Jeff waited for Britta outside. She arrived, looking tired.           

“Hey,” he said. “You alright?”

She sighed. “Yeah. I’m great. Are they inside already?”

“Think so.” He pocketed his phone. “You ready for this?”

She nodded, determined. “Let’s go.”

* * *

 

The rest of the group were already mid-discussion when they entered, with Annie looking at Pierce’s empty spot with some concern.

Jeff cleared his throat. “Guys?”

They stopped talking and looked towards where they were standing in the doorway, Britta slightly in front of Jeff, her sleeves pulled up over most of her hands.

“We, uh…” He put his arm around Britta’s shoulders. “We have news.”

“Don’t get too excited, guys,” said Abed. “Sitcoms teach us that when someone has an announcement it’s actually never anything big. Real developments are always revealed in an innocuous or else sudden way, for example -”

“We’re pregnant,” said Britta. She bit her lip.

“…Like that,” Abed finished.

There was silence. Faced with her friends’ shocked, unreadable expressions, all of them staring at her, _her_ , not Jeff, Britta almost forgot that secret quiver of love and excitement in her chest she had felt at the ultrasound. Almost.

“Congratulations, you guys,” said Annie, awkwardly.

“’We’ as in you and Jeff?” asked Troy.

Britta nodded. “Yep. Um, nine weeks. We went to the doctor a few days ago, and the baby’s heartbeat and everything is fine, so…”

Jeff cleared his throat. “Ah, you guys are the first people we’ve told. Because we love you, obviously, but also because it’s gonna affect you guys the most.”

“Yeah,” added Britta. “I won’t be able to hang out as often or do the same stuff for the next few months.”

“And after that we might have to only hang out one at a time for a few years because there will be a small human that we can’t leave unattended,” said Jeff.

“Oh, them and Ben can be playmates!” said Shirley, happily. “May I ask when you two will be getting married?”

“We haven’t really discussed that yet, Shirley,” said Britta.

“But you _will_ be getting married, right? I mean, casual sex is one thing, but I know you’re not intending on having a child out of wedlock.” She changed tact a little, and looked to Jeff instead. “You’re not going to abandon Britta when she most needs a man’s support, are you?”

“Okay,” said Jeff, quickly cutting in and squeezing Britta’s shoulder before she could reply, “this conversation thread is getting a little out of hand. Troy,” he nodded in his direction, “thoughts?”

Troy shrugged. “It’s cool I guess. Seems like the kind of thing people your age do.”

“Ooookay,” said Jeff. “Abed?”

“Would you be up for letting me use your child in my films?”

“Absolutely not. Annie?”

Annie smiled forcefully. “It’s like I said before you guys. Congratulations. I’m really excited for you if this is definitely what you want.”

“Sure,” said Jeff. He moved to sit at his normal space at the table.

Britta followed suit.

“Well, this ends the pregnancy section of the day’s meeting,” said Jeff. “What else do you guys wanna talk about?”


	4. Chapter 4

_June 26 th, 2011_

The car ride back from the OB/GYN was a silent one. Britta felt uncomfortable. Uncomfortable emotionally, as well as the emerging physical discomfort that was growing daily. She was already tired of it. She was tired of peeing all the time. At least the morning sickness was finally abating. But now she had to do _pelvic floor exercises_? She turned the leaflet over in her hands. _Ugh._

And Jeff was being a baby because she had brought up one thing? No, she was right to be mad. He wasn’t dealing with anywhere near as much stuff as she was. _And_ he had been the one who’d gotten her pregnant. She _was_ justified. But that thought was upsetting, too. Because he was the _father_ of her _baby_ , and they had just had another scan of this _life_ inside her, which was beautiful and amazing, and they wouldn’t even talk to each other about it because she had said _one thing_ –

“Geez, are you crying?” said Jeff, glancing over and back to the road ahead.

“Shut up,” she said, wiping her eyes so aggressively it looked like she was trying to force the tears back in, “it’s the dumb hormones. Just take me home.”

“Man – okay.” He pulled over and turned off the engine. “Why are you crying?”

“Because I’m pregnant. Thanks, by the way.”

He gave a small sigh, but it wasn’t annoyed. “Yes, but what specific thing is upsetting you right now?”

She hesitated, but then, with fresh tears, “Why can’t you just talk to Annie?”

“That again?” Jeff almost laughed, but didn’t think it would be a very good idea. “I told you, there’s nothing to say.”

“There is,” she insisted. “She still thinks she’s in love with you. I don’t want things to be weirder than they need to be. She’s our friend. And if she still has a crush on you it's gonna be awkward when you have a kid with me. She needs to be in the baby’s life, she could teach it about success or whatever.”

He frowned. “What do you mean, _thinks_ she’s in love with me?”

“Oh, God,” moaned Britta, her hands moving to her eyes again. “She’s a goddamn lesbian, Jeff.”

“What?”

“Would you please just work things out between the two of you?”

“Fine. Yes.” His voice was exasperated. He put the car back in gear. “I will break Annie’s supposedly gay heart for you.”

“Great. Thanks.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the real-time updates aren't happening anymore clearly. I got a job where I regularly work 6 days a week and also started a blog, so I've not had loads of time to focus on this. I also got quite demotivated because I'm finding it hard to capture the characters etc. how I wanted to. But I still really want to upload the final chapter on the baby's actual birthday, so I'll be cutting down some of the stuff I planned and just posting what I can when I can over the next couple of months, without as much editing or structure. I hope you guys enjoy it anyways <3

_July 29 th, 2011_

“How big was the avocado, exactly?” said Annie.

“I don’t know…” Britta took one of the changing mats off the rack so she could look it more clearly. “Maybe, like, house-sized? Bigger than a car, definitely.”

“What do you think it means?” said Shirley.

“Nothing.” She put the mat back. “Supposedly it’s normal to be having weird dreams at the moment.”

“Right, but they’re meant to represent, like, anxieties you have about the baby, right?” said Annie. “So maybe it’s - oh, Britta!” She pranced over to the rack of baby clothes to caress a tiny blue romper. “Aw… It’s a shame you don’t know the gender yet. This would be perfect for a boy.”

“You’re right. Put it in the basket.”

Annie and Shirley looked at her. “You know already?” asked Shirley.

“Uh, nope. Ultrasound is tomorrow.”

Annie kissed her teeth in annoyance. “And you couldn’t wait two days to go shopping so we could get clothes at the same time?”

“We can. You think its cute and I agree, let’s buy it.” Actually, Britta was embarrassed to admit how much her heart had twitched when she saw the little sets of clothes.

They looked at her for a moment, before Annie rolled her eyes. “Oh, right. I see what you’re doing.” She put the romper into the basket, and smiled. “Well, it’s _your_ gender-neutral baby.”

Britta offered a tired smile in return. Baby stuff with Shirley and Annie was almost as uncomfortable as it had been a few months before when they were doing the same for Shirley’s baby, but at least now she had to be included. This was what female friends did. She was bonding with her female friends. And it was… nice. She thought. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah, it was nice. But it was also tiring. It didn’t seem fair that pregnancy required so much work and preparation and shopping and doctor’s appointments when she was suddenly more tired than she’d ever been.

Annie and Shirley buzzed along ahead of her down the aisles, sometimes having whole conversations about the suitability of a particular brand of bottle or diaper and making a decision before she even reached them with the basket. Shirley’s experience was invaluable, but Britta was still glad she’d asked her to leave the boys at home with Andre. Including Ben. _Especially_ Ben. Her reaction to babies was pretty volatile at the moment, and there were already enough in the store. The fact that she had helped deliver Ben made it worse – every time she saw him, she was overwhelmed by how cute he was, how cute babies were, how vulnerable, how easily they could just die, even before they were born, how much attention they needed, how you could screw up their whole lives with one careless mistake, all hitting her at once in a wave of nausea. And she didn’t want to remember him being born. She didn’t want to think about giving birth more than she had to. She knew she had to prepare.

But not yet.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyooo it's me
> 
> I've written the final chapter now so that will definitely go up on time next month. You may or may not get another chapter before that we will see

_September 22 nd, 2011_

Britta dreaded the return to Greendale.

So the study group had been dealt with. Fine. But it wasn’t like they were the only people on campus who knew her. There were teachers, classmates, acquaintances, strangers. It was just a year ago that she had to return to school after publicly announcing her love for – and being rejected by – Jeff Winger. And now she was accidentally pregnant with his child. Her reputation on that campus was just one joke after another.

She wished that this had happened at a different time of year. That people gradually noticed, or thought nothing of it. She hadn’t been showing last term. Now, she was well into her second trimester, weeks since she’d been able to wear any of her shoes or clothes. A sudden huge change. Pretty damn noticeable.

Jeff drove them both to Greendale. He drove them both most places now that they lived together. Sometimes they talked in the car. Often they didn’t. They didn’t today.

She and Jeff took different routes to the study room. It was more out of habit than anything else. After all, the group knew they were living together, and it’s not like they could pretend they hadn’t been sleeping together for a year when there was now visible evidence. It was nice to have the time apart from Jeff. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate his efforts – it was way more than she had expected from him. But really, that was almost the problem. Jeff wasn’t _good_ at it. He tried, truly, but his discomfort and ill-suitedness were painfully obvious in everything he did. She hated it all the more because they had always understood each other so well before all this happened. Like they were two halves of the same person. This third person inside her had thrown them completely off balance.

Britta’s cramping legs and short breath meant that she claimed the more direct way to the study group, but she still managed to run into the dean.

He spotted her from afar and made a beeline for her, curiosity written on his face and in his posture.

“Britta? That you?” He prowled closer. “My, you look so… healthy!”

She forced a smile. She didn’t dislike the dean, but she wasn’t in the mood. “Yeah,” she offered, flatly.

“I had no idea! How many weeks are you?”

“Twenty five.” The answer took her by surprise. She hadn’t realised that she’d been keeping such a perfect track that she could answer without hesitation.

“Well, you look fantastic.” He lowered his voice conspiratorially. “And don’t worry. No one even judges women who don’t know who their baby’s father is these days.”

“Oh.” She coughed. “I do know. It’s Jeff’s.”

His face fell blank. “What?”

"Yep."

“Oh. Well.” He smoothed his eyebrows with one finger. “Good luck to you both.” His voice wavered. “Have a good day, excuse me.” He sped away.

Britta sighed, and set off walking again, only to immediately collide with someone walking the opposite direction. “Oh!” Her hands flew to her stomach. “God. Pierce, you scared me.”

Pierce stepped back out of her way. He stared at her. “Britta,” he said. “When did this happen?”

“Uh…” She realised she hadn’t seen him since he had walked out after the paintball game. Jeff refused to even talk about him. “Last semester. After Abed’s party, actually.” Gross. Why had she told Pierce that?

Pierce nodded. He patted her arm. Both movements were stiff and awkward. “Congratulations.”

She smiled, and it was genuine. “Thanks, Pierce. Are you coming to the study meeting?”

“Ah…” He waved his hands. “I don’t know. I might be done with all that.”

“You should come.” She felt benevolent. Tender. She was a mother. She was Earth. Jeff be damned. “We’d miss you.”

“Well…” He made a show of considering it for a few more moments, until he couldn’t contain his smile anymore. “I suppose I could hang around another year at least. Your kid will want to meet Uncle Pierce.”

“Ha. Yeah.”

Pierce beamed at her, before turning back the way he had come, back towards the study room. He hummed as he went.

She watched him walk away. The benevolent mood suddenly ebbed away from her, leaving her instantly full of regret. Stupid baby. Still, if nothing else, she was pretty sure her and Jeff could not afford to have a child, let alone raise one, and that had definitely won her some brownie points with Pierce. How gross that she was thinking like that, she thought. Motherhood really did change people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews will make another chapter more likely but I hope you enjoyed this chapter all the same, love ya x


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short lil bonus I was gonna upload on Sunday so it was closer to the next chapter but I'm at work all day so you get it early
> 
> Which also means that it's uploaded in the same month it's set in! We are basically on track now people

_November 2 nd, 2011_

Britta was fed up.

She was done with being pregnant. She was done with the planning and the worry and the stress. She was done with the food restrictions and the pain and the discomfort. She was tired of peeing. She wanted to be able to bend over again. She inevitably had to wait for her cat to come to her now, rather than scooping it up for unwilling cuddles.

Buying an outfit for a funeral was the last thing she wanted to be doing. Strangely enough, none of the stores they went in had a ‘funeral maternity’ section. So much for the cycle of life and death.

‘They’ was Annie, Troy, and Abed, since Shirley was with her kids and Jeff had been moping since Pierce’s dad died. It was cool to hang out with the younger cohort. She felt like she’d barely seen them since they announced the pregnancy, especially the boys.

Overall, the day didn’t suck as much as it might’ve. Sure, Britta  was by now waddling more than walking, and had to take a break every few minutes, and nothing fit her, and a man was dead. But Troy and Abed made up different characters for every suit they tried on (and they tried on many suits that would not have been appropriate for a funeral), and Annie was surprisingly adept at finding good clothes, and they went for hot cocoa afterwards even though it was still 65 degrees out. It was pretty great, all things considered.

  

* * *

 

 

Jeff was sitting on the couch when Britta returned to the apartment, one leg crossed over the other, elbow resting on his thigh, hand over his mouth. It was exactly how she had left him.

“Have you moved?” she asked, putting down her bags.

He started at her voice, as though he had not heard the door open. “Oh. Hey. You need any help?” He began to get up.

“No. Thanks.”

He settled back down.

She moved to sit next to him, leaning back, exhausted. She gazed at his face sympathetically. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he said, the word a sigh. He looked exhausted, too.

A side effect of moving in with Jeff that she hadn’t anticipated was how vulnerable he was so quickly. Maybe it would have been different if she weren’t pregnant, if they hadn’t had that moment of shared, intense vulnerability all those months ago. His face was grey, his eyes dull and sad. She reached out and took his hand.

He looked back at her, smiled. He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. Leaned back so he was level with her. “And how’re you?”

She returned the smile. “I’m good.”

He looked away from her, looking instead at their hands entwined. His smile fell away. He looked pensive.

“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it? You kind of killed a guy.”

He didn’t even acknowledge her barb. “Yeah, no, yeah, it’s…” He let out a breath. “It’s not even about the death thing. Really.” He was still looking at their hands. “It’s just, brought up all this dad stuff again, you know. Pierce’s dad, my dad, me as a dad…” He shook his head, scrunching up his face. He looked at her again, and the smile returned, though dimmed. “It’s nothing. I’ll get over it.”

She clicked her mouth. “Okay.”

Maybe she should’ve pressed more. She didn’t know. She felt like she didn’t know anything. Instead, she lay back as Jeff turned on the TV. They watched reality shows for the rest of the day.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO.
> 
> This chapter, and in fact this entire fic, is dedicated to enlightenight. Happy birthday!! I hope you enjoy.
> 
> I don't know a lot about hospitals or medicine and even I'm pretty sure that some of this will require you to suspend disbelief but whatever it's a story

_December 10 th, 2011_

_WHERE ARE YOU?!?!_

_JEFF!!_

The text notifications bubbled up onto the screen of his cell less than 30 seconds apart. The man who read the first and the man who read the second could’ve been different people.

Because Annie already knew that he was spending the day at Troy and Abed’s apartment.

Just like he knew that she was with Britta.

In the seconds that it took for his brain to register the meaning behind the first message, his body already reacted, a sensation in his navel like someone was blowing up an icy balloon there.

The second text came through. He dropped the videogame controller he was holding and snatched up his cellphone instead, hitting the dial button as it was halfway to his ear. Troy and Abed paused the game to look at him. The call went straight to voicemail. He swore.

Troy looked concerned. “Everything alright, man?”

He didn’t even know if they had gone to the hospital they agreed on. If they’d gone to the hospital at all. He picked up his jacket and pointed to the door, wordless, already dialing Annie again. The guys understood, and got up.

Troy drove.

 

* * *

 

 

Traffic was slow. Jeff understood why Annie hadn’t given him more time or information. He understood why she would’ve been stressed, and rushing, and wanting to get back to Britta. He was glad she was there for her. But at that moment, he hated her. Hated both of them. Hated the cars in front of them. Hated Troy for driving so slowly. Hated Abed for just sitting there. Hated himself most of all, for leaving Britta that day, for not being there, for being like his own father. His finger, crooked along the line of his mouth as he glared out the window, was firm enough to hurt his jaw, pushing through his lips to his teeth. He said nothing. His nostrils flared. No more messages from Annie came.

 

* * *

 

He didn’t know if Britta was okay until he had gotten through a full minute of conversation and explanations with the hospital receptionist (thankfully, the correct hospital). His voice was strained and his neck tight, as if he was having to physically force the words out. When the receptionist confirmed that both Britta and the baby were fine, that the birth had gone well, that they were recovering without complications, Jeff let out a breath that was almost a silent sob, his eyes fluttering shut.

“Thank you,” he said.

He turned. All sense of panic and urgency had left him, leaving him curiously empty. Troy and Abed looked back at him, but he barely saw them. He headed down the corridor.

He met Annie about halfway there. He saw her a moment before she saw him, even with his blank eyes. She _did_ look stressed, but also exultant somehow, her face flushed. And then she saw him, and the bright eyes were filled with fury. She practically ran the last few steps to him.

“Where have you _been_?” she hissed, slapping at his chest. “You missed _everything_! What, you, you decided at the last minute that it was just too much for you to deal with?”

“Annie,” he said. His voice was flat, his face impassive.

“Well, guess what? _Britta_ didn’t have that choice. She _had_ to deal with it. And she had to deal with it _without you_. You’re the reason she’s in this situation in the first place. What if something had gone wrong?”

He said nothing. Still, he barely reacted.

She folded her arms. “You know, I really thought you were gonna step up this time, Jeff. I thought you were going to actually act like an adult for once and –”

“I didn’t know.” His tongue was rough and heavy in his dry mouth.

She knitted her eyebrows. “What?” The arms began to drift back down to her sides. “Britta said she called you… She said you were on your way.”

He shook his head.

Annie’s face grew soft. “Oh, Jeff…” She put a hand on his arm. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine.” His voice was thin. Something inside of him was already dead and cold before she had begun speaking. “Can I see her?”

 

* * *

 

Jeff felt a strange, cold, oozing calm as he approached the door, so he was surprised at how much his hand shook as he reached for the handle.

He saw Britta first. She was beautiful and messy and young and ancient and strong and vulnerable, somehow everything he had ever known her to be or feel or think encapsulated and amplified as she lay asleep in the hospital bed, face pale and damp, mouth open, strands of hair sticking to her cheeks and the dark, loose skin under her eyes. He thought he could love her, then. Even as his own body pulsed with shame and heartbreak, the greatest heartbreak of his life, he could not hate the woman who he saw before him. She was Britta. And she was his best friend.

He allowed his gaze to slide away from her, falling instead upon the bassinet that was pushed up against the opposite wall. He forced his limbs to carry him forward, noticing the effort of it but not the resulting movement.

And there it was.

The baby – _his_ baby – Britta’s baby – burbled what might’ve been a greeting. He stared at it. He wasn’t sure if he was breathing. It seemed as if his heart had moved several inches forward in space, perhaps to be closer to the baby, and now it hovered just in front of his chest rather than inside it, hanging between them, huge and soft and exposed. As he stared at the baby, it stared back. It was still wrinkled and flaking, still a mottled red with pointed lips, round cheeks making its head wider than it was tall. It should have been grotesque. Jeff had never loved anything more. Its eyes were small and dark and puffy, but already there was a suggestion of the blue shared by its parents. If you had asked Jeff just yesterday, even knowing how soon this day would come, he would’ve said that all newborn babies look pretty much the same, but already there was a hint of Britta around its mouth, of Jeff’s up-turned nose. It was subtle, but he could see it. He could see it.

“You can hold her, if you want.”

He spun towards the voice, not realising he’d been crying – weeping, really – until the movement of the air chilled his wet face. Britta had not moved; she still lay back, resplendent in her exhaustion, hair loose and sticking, only now her eyes were open and watching him, and her mouth was closed in a rueful smile.

_Her?_  he wanted to ask, but he couldn’t speak. His throat seemed to have swelled shut. Mutely, he turned back to the cot, and lifted his daughter in his trembling arms. He felt a shaky breath burst from him in a smile, though he felt so much that he couldn’t otherwise differentiate this emotion as happiness. It – she – was soft and warm, and she nestled into his arms.

He turned once more, and moved toward the bed. When he arrived, he leaned forward, leaving a long, tender kiss on her clammy forehead.

“Hey,” she said shakily as he pulled back, as if it were the first time she had spoken.

He gave her a soft smile, and looked down at the baby in his arms. “Hey.”

With some effort, she heaved herself to one side, making room. He lay beside her, curled towards her, his head against hers, their daughter between them. Britta reached out an arm so that they were both cradling her. They passed several moments in silence.

“Jeff, I’m so sorry.”

The words seeped out through the air, down through the bed, surrounded them. There were more moments. Jeff heaved an achingly-heavy sigh.

“I… I don’t know what happened. I wasn’t thinking about you, or your stuff with your dad –” as she talked, her head rocked and rolled against the point where it touched his “—or anything. I just… God, it sounds so stupid now… It felt like if I had a guy there or if I was relying on you or whatever –”

“Britta.”

She stopped.

He let out another slow breath through his nostrils. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not!”

“No, it’s not,” he agreed. He wasn’t looking at her. He was looking at their daughter, thinking about how he hadn’t been there when she came into the world. Worse, how he wouldn’t have been there for her or Britta if anything had gone wrong. His throat was tightening again. He pushed the thoughts away. “But I understand.”

Neither of them said anything more about it that day.

 

* * *

 

In hindsight, they probably should have realised that a baby name suggested by Abed and immediately and enthusiastically supported by Troy was going to be a reference to something, but they were both exhausted and emotional, and by the time they thought about it, it was too late.

Kaylee Winger-Perry received several visitors the first day of her life. Annie, Shirley, Troy, and Abed, of course. Anne apologised to Jeff. Pierce came a day later, as did Britta’s parents, and the dean. The study group also returned, bringing Jeff a change of clothes, seeing as they hadn’t thought to pack that in their go-bag. Jeff did not leave the hospital until the morning after that, the third day of Kaylee’s life, to drive the three of them back to their apartment. The household was now one man, one woman, one baby, and one cat. Almost like a real family.

Jeff and Britta had been scared. They had been sure they would never have been prepared to have a child. In a way, they had underestimated the experience. It hadn’t seemed real until she was born, and even now, days later, there was a surreal incredulity tinged to everything they did. But they made it work. Just like always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand so that's the entire fic. We did it!
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed, I know this chapter had quite a few Choices that might be polarising. I'd love to hear opinions on the whole switch to focus on Jeff, Britta not calling him, etc in the comments.
> 
> (Happy 7th birthday to Kaylee Winger-Perry)


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